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#1 2014-03-13 20:26:28

Starvr344
Disco Bandit
From: Oxy Clean
Registered: 2011-06-26
Posts: 1,703
Fails: 0

Save yourself!

Type a ridiculous and dangerous situation, then the person below you can make an equally ridiculous way to save themselves.

You are tied up and being slowly lowered down into a water pit full of piranhas wielding explosive flamethrowers.


Starvr344.gif
Big sunglasses are cool
Banana Pancakes

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#2 2014-03-14 06:39:51

Different55
The Beanmaker
Registered: 2011-05-18
Posts: 9,142
Fails: 0

Re: Save yourself!

I call out in a predefined pattern of 6-8 notes over the next 2 minutes of my life. This pattern, which was designed in a laboratory using thousands of taxpayer dollars to summon chuck norris in our hour of need. It works, and he forms out of the darkness and tears off the fins of the piranhas with his eyelashes. He gives me a pitying look before melting back into darkness. After a few hours I am able to disentangle myself from the poorly tied ropes.

You are in a flaming space ship drifting toward the sun with space whales trying to eat you.


Jet fuel can't make dank memes.

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#3 2014-03-15 12:07:21

scienceguyz
VIF
Registered: 2012-03-04
Posts: 1,791
Fails: 114

Re: Save yourself!

I build a giant city on top of the space whale and fly off into the cosmos.

You accidentally placed a portal inside a portal and are now being extremely mangled by the gravity formed by the anomaly.


No longer part of Fail. Sorry.

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#4 2014-03-16 13:41:02

Starvr344
Disco Bandit
From: Oxy Clean
Registered: 2011-06-26
Posts: 1,703
Fails: 0

Re: Save yourself!

Your inner being forms itself into a paradox-disentangling life-form capable of ripping the fabric of space-time apart into several universes where logic will fold into itself until a giant antimatter black hole is created, unsucking everything from every time period including every version of yourself.
So now everyone exists everywhere, I guess.

Your pet ferret was secretly a secretive secret agent of secretness, and now a incredibly, drasticly, and seriously evil corporation has the power to rule your mind so they can use it to take over the world.


Starvr344.gif
Big sunglasses are cool
Banana Pancakes

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#5 2014-03-16 16:40:42

scienceguyz
VIF
Registered: 2012-03-04
Posts: 1,791
Fails: 114

Re: Save yourself!

I quickly create a virus that only affects ferrets and destroy the secret evil corporation

You accidentally fall into a bottomless hole created by listening to rap music. You will hit the bottom in 1 minute.


No longer part of Fail. Sorry.

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#6 2014-03-16 17:18:17

Starvr344
Disco Bandit
From: Oxy Clean
Registered: 2011-06-26
Posts: 1,703
Fails: 0

Re: Save yourself!

I flap my arms, really, really hard. It doesn't make me fly, but tricks the hole into thinking I'm listening to beatbox by the sound my arms are making. The hole spits you out and closes. (P.S. It's not bottomless if there's a bottom.)

You're playing a really hard game (that is actually unbeatable) and you are getting so mad you get thrown in the Correctional Facility For Whacked-Out People.


Starvr344.gif
Big sunglasses are cool
Banana Pancakes

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#7 2014-03-16 17:33:17

scienceguyz
VIF
Registered: 2012-03-04
Posts: 1,791
Fails: 114

Re: Save yourself!

Starvr344 wrote:

(P.S. It's not bottomless if there's a bottom.)

Starvr344 wrote:

Just because something is logical doesn't mean its good.

Anyway, I edit the rom to make the game beatable, and actually quite fun, if frustrating.

You ate too many jelly babies and are now in space.


No longer part of Fail. Sorry.

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#8 2014-03-17 11:33:08

Different55
The Beanmaker
Registered: 2011-05-18
Posts: 9,142
Fails: 0

Re: Save yourself!

I harness the raw power of projectile vomiting to propel myself back to earth, leaving a trail of half-digested jelly babies behind me.

You find yourself in a room. And your hands are across the room from you in a sealed box.


Jet fuel can't make dank memes.

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#9 2014-03-18 22:30:49

N1KF
REBORN CORPSE
Registered: 2012-05-16
Posts: 6,922
Fails: 100,952

Re: Save yourself!

You awkwardly crawl on the floor using your legs, and you finally reach the box, and somehow reattach your hands.

A nuclear bomb will go off in one hour, with an explosion big enough to destroy earth. The bomb is hard to break into, as it is sealed with layers of hard metal, and it cannot be removed with screwdrivers. The bomb is watched over by hundreds of experienced professionals, to make sure that the bomb does not fail in any way. In case the bomb fails in other cases, they also have a backup bomb. Trying to destroy the bomb automatically sets it off, too. The timer is hard-coded so that it cannot be hacked or edited without professional help. You also happen to be the only person (besides the people behind it) that know about the bomb.

Last edited by N1KF (2014-03-19 14:33:41)

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#10 2014-03-19 05:48:44

Different55
The Beanmaker
Registered: 2011-05-18
Posts: 9,142
Fails: 0

Re: Save yourself!

I walk behind me, grab a professional, and offer him 1 taco and a mostly-eaten burrito to disarm the bomb after I roundhouse kick that sucker open. Knowing full well that he may well be eaten along with most of his burrito if he declines my task, he readily accepts. In order to prevent interference, I give the same offer to another professional to disarm the backup bomb while I stomp the ground and send everyone except my two coerced professionals flying into Canada in the spring time. When I decide that they aren't working fast enough, I up the offer to 2 tacos and a half-eaten burrito, and threaten to send them flying into iraq in the summer if they don't speed up. Within minutes, they've disarmed the bombs they've spent their lives working on and I give them 2 tacos and a shred of tortilla before flying into the sunset and eating a star.

You're falling towards the ocean from space with an anchor tied to your feet. The only things around you besides the anchor is Morgan Freeman ranting about clowns and wearing a watermelon on his head.

Last edited by Different55 (2014-03-19 05:50:43)


Jet fuel can't make dank memes.

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#11 2014-03-19 17:51:22

Starvr344
Disco Bandit
From: Oxy Clean
Registered: 2011-06-26
Posts: 1,703
Fails: 0

Re: Save yourself!

I grab the jet engine Morgan freeman is using to fly next to me and attach it to the anchor. I turn the jet to maximum and the anchor snaps the rope off my feet and flies into space. Then just as I'm about to hit the water, the anchor flies down and creates a huge splash that sends me upward. Then I land on a helicopter and fly away safely.

You are a sentient Big Mac® in a obese guys convention.


Starvr344.gif
Big sunglasses are cool
Banana Pancakes

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#12 2014-05-25 13:59:10

N1KF
REBORN CORPSE
Registered: 2012-05-16
Posts: 6,922
Fails: 100,952

Re: Save yourself!

A person picks you up, is about to eat you, then realizes they are too full. Because they cannot carry you around without it being too messy, they throw you on the floor. Soon, a janitor finds the Big Mac®, and throws it in the trash. A few days/weeks later, you're in a garbage truck, going to the dump, too big for an obese guy to find you.

You get a Charizard angry, and it's after you!

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#13 2014-05-26 18:15:19

Creature
Kristanish Duke
Registered: 2014-01-31
Posts: 1,341
Fails: 353

Re: Save yourself!

You show him water and he runs away.

You are about to suicide

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#14 2014-05-26 18:22:44

Different55
The Beanmaker
Registered: 2011-05-18
Posts: 9,142
Fails: 0

Re: Save yourself!

You receive therapy from the old hobo on the way to the bridge who you then soak in coconut oil and dance around singing Fur Elise.

You are tied up on a train track with Justin Bieber and the next train is due in 10 minutes.


Jet fuel can't make dank memes.

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#15 2014-05-26 18:26:30

some man
Dotcra Moreo
From: The Road of Ultimate
Registered: 2014-05-06
Posts: 3,264
Fails: 55,555

Re: Save yourself!

I gnaw through the rope.

You're trapped in a small, indestructible chamber which is in a fixed position outside the boundaries of the universe. Attempting to get out will lead to you and the box instantly disintegrating, and you're about to die anyways due to lack of oxygen. You have no equipment with you except a basketball with no special abilities and the metal in the chamber. You also cannot be teleported elsewhere or pretend it is a dream and wake up, because it is not. Your move.

Last edited by some man (2014-05-26 18:26:53)


blablawhatever.gif
jet fuel can't melt buttoned jeans

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#16 2014-05-27 10:43:25

Different55
The Beanmaker
Registered: 2011-05-18
Posts: 9,142
Fails: 0

Re: Save yourself!

I sit in the floor, meditating. My breathing slows, and I begin to ponder the truths of the universe. After long seconds of contemplation, I realize that there is no box. There is no box. There is no metal.

All is basketball.

I climb inside the basketball back into the known universe and go to Taco Bell.



You're inside the event horizon of a black hole.


Jet fuel can't make dank memes.

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#17 2014-05-27 17:41:47

Creature
Kristanish Duke
Registered: 2014-01-31
Posts: 1,341
Fails: 353

Re: Save yourself!

You fell on a mattress and the Taco Bell is closed.

You are going to hit your head against glass door.

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#18 2014-06-02 14:26:28

some man
Dotcra Moreo
From: The Road of Ultimate
Registered: 2014-05-06
Posts: 3,264
Fails: 55,555

Re: Save yourself!

I decide not to. Yeah, that makes me feel more confident now.

You are puzzled by the fact that both this and 99,999 Deathly Trials exists at the same time and your head is about to explode.


blablawhatever.gif
jet fuel can't melt buttoned jeans

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#19 2014-06-02 14:35:16

Creature
Kristanish Duke
Registered: 2014-01-31
Posts: 1,341
Fails: 353

Re: Save yourself!

I don't cared and i did like these games are Diferent55.

You are falling from a mountain without any parachute.

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#20 2014-12-20 00:50:29

Different55
The Beanmaker
Registered: 2011-05-18
Posts: 9,142
Fails: 0

Re: Save yourself!

I breathe deeply and then shout with the force of a hurricane on methamphetamine, causing the mount to shatter into dust. I, being the smooth sonofahamster I am, swiftly pull my gold-leafed surfboard out of my back pocket and surf the landslide through a few villages and towns before coming to a stop somewhere off the west coat of the USA.

You are in the middle of a blue supergiant star.


Jet fuel can't make dank memes.

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#21 2015-01-01 00:25:52

N1KF
REBORN CORPSE
Registered: 2012-05-16
Posts: 6,922
Fails: 100,952

Re: Save yourself!

The star is an actual shape, not the type of thing floating in space.

You are in the middle of a swamp, surrounded by alligators and snakes.

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#22 2015-02-05 21:06:11

Typo
Failure
From: Classified
Registered: 2014-02-18
Posts: 29
Fails: 1

Re: Save yourself!

But they're friendly alligators and snakes, so I pull out a guitar and play a tune reminiscent of "Rattlin Bog" and we sing our way out of the swamp (like a Disney cartoon) and lived happily ever after.

You're spending a lovely afternoon prancing along the beach-side rolling in the golden sand, making sand angels, and castles. It couldn't be more perfect....

Until you read a sign next to you that says:

51IyaX5FPQL._SY355_.jpg

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