The Complete Guide to IRC Gambling in 10 Easy Steps and Classes

Fradeshan · 2014-08-10 00:17:03

This is Fradeshan's Official Guide to IRC Gambling
It comes in 10 easy (and free*) steps/classes.

*Pay 0.444444444444% of all Fails gained from these lessons to Fradeshan.

Step 1: Decision

It's important to know when to gamble and when not to, as well as learning how to choose well in general. We can learn about this in the class...

Gambling 101
This will go through some of the basics and need-to-knows about IRC Gambling. First, when to gamble-
You should gamble if you meet all of the following criteria:

Are completely sober
Are not looking to easily gain fails
Are not forced by someone else to gamble
Are looking for pure, unadulterated family fun
Do not like just playing with FailBot
And finally, are legitimate and honest while gambling

Other Basics:
The bot used to gamble in the IRC(Internet Relay Chat) Channel, #failgambling, is called FailBot. It is made by Different55, the room owner. The module made by him in FailBot, roll.php, is used to gamble manually. The goal and rules per round are set by the gamblers, as well as their bets. The .roll(not case-sensitive) command is used for randomly generating a number for each gambler, which they compare to see the winner of the round. The winner of the round is paid at maximum what they betted, the same amount if any other bet the same, and if their bet was higher than others', they get only what the other person(s) bet.

Step 2: Operation

The next step to learn is how to cleanly operate and play a round of IRC Gambling, in more detail. This is covered in...

Gambling 102
At the beginning of every round, the rules are set - how many dice are rolled and what their sum must be closest to, usually. After that, everyone that participates places their bets, uses the .roll command, and when scores are compared, the winner is declared and paid as said in the previous lesson. This is done by way of the Money tab on the navigation bar, and then the Donate subtab. If a tie occurs between two gambler's rolls, a tiebreaker of 1d6 is used with the same goal repeatedly until the winner is decided. You enter the winner's name and the number of fails they are owed, or more if generous. This sends them the appropriate amount of Fails and a PM(Private Message) showing you as the sender and the amount of Fails you donated. These can be found in the Messages tab on the navigation bar. Note that nicknames on the IRC do not always exactly match usernames on the forums, so know which names match with which before donating.

Special Sets of Rules/Goals:
"Double Triple" Rules - created by Fradeshan, named by Bimps1002- played with 3d6, with either highest or lowest as a goal. Same as normal rules except if the winner won with any two matching numbers in their 3 dice, they receive double what they would usually get from everyone, and triple if all three dice matched. The rules still apply to the original roll if a tiebreaker occurs.

"Multi" Rules - created by Fradeshan- Played with any dice. Same as normal rules but with the numbers' product used instead of their sum. Renders rolls of 1 completely useless.

"Minus" Rules - created by Fradeshan- Played with 1d50 or 1d100. The difference between the winner's roll and others' are paid instead of a bet, making most payouts different for each loser.

Step 3: Negotiation

This step includes how to influence other gamblers to change their bets, as well as other aspects of their metagame for you to achieve a better fail profit.

Gambling 103

First, you shouldn't usually try to negotiate at all if you are severely lower in economic status to others unless you are quite desperate for fails- turn down every offer that isn't neutral to both sides or beneficial to you, unless you'd like to try your luck. If you are ahead, you can usually negotiate in 2 ways to other gamblers- for them to raise their bets, so you have more to gain, and they'll believe they have a chance too, or, more recently, loans to other gambers, most with interest so you can make a profit.

Other Negotiations:

These are at nongamblers, to either join the fray, whether it be directly by advertising (and sometimes bribing), or passively by spamming them (in general) to watch or read about it so they may become interested and join "themselves". Other nongamblers are FailBot, who can be blamed for bad rolls, but can be struck deals with, especially in IRC PMs - good rolls in return for company and more, and Lady Luck, if a more simple and direct approach is desired- reverence and respect are key. These are usually shown to one of Lady Luck's forms- Jesus to some, God to others, and occasionally Auuugh, and more, by saying their name and either "why", "please", or "dammit" next to it in all capital letters in the chat. This can be done by pressing the Caps Lock button, left of the A key on your keyboard, or holding the left or right Shift keys, adjacent to the Z and M keys respectively.

Step 4: Transition

After you have mastered the basic material from the first three classes, you are ready to begin the intermediate courses. These deal with more advanced strategies and ideas that will not be easy to learn if you have not completed the beginner classes. The first is how to improve your own metagame, slipping into the gambling rank of "ogden" from your original of "plsgo".

Gambling 201

The easiest ways of improving your metagame are simply to weaken others- this can be done by subtle excessive pinging by the .fails or .bank command, or less subtly by name calling and being a both a sore loser and winner. The more professional way of not distracting others is to see what dice roll patterns work well for you and for others over time, usually picking yours when you gamble but still switching to others at times to not reveal your strong spots. However, this method is reccommended to be used in tandem with the other improvement method, as it is far more easily reversed by general luck shenanigans pulled off by Lady Luck and the highest class of gamblers.

Further Improvement:
You can also gain status in gambling outside of your metagame by gaining infamy- post about your small wins on the forums and irc repeatedly, and the higher ranked gamblers may let you in on some rounds with larger buyins and payouts, and see you're the best rookie around. This can be done in any channel and on any subforum, possibly even on PMs. Again, this can help with the advertising in Negotiation to find more rubes to scam some fails out from.

Step 5: Protection

After gaining quite a lot of Fails, you'll probably need some ways to keep that balance safe while you earn more- can't have you start from the bottom every single time. This lesson will give some strategies for doing this.

Gambling 202

Some simple strategies are to keep at least half of your fails in the bank found in Bank subtab in the Money tab at all times, to gain interest- more fails to gamble with,- and so you won't drain it all out without thinking. However, as seen multiple times by multiple people in the past, they take out more (or all) of the "safe" money to gamble with, waiting for that one roll that will save them. Other alternatives to this clearly undesireable but mainstream choice are shown.

Alternative Protection:
Alternate Accounts(Alts)- Make one to dozens of these, gain some Fails on each, and use them to store extra fails for interest, checking up on them less often than your main account. You could also use them each to come on the IRC and gamble with.

Loans- Discussed in Negotiation, if you're desperate. On a similar note, being nice to people for donations.

Waiting- Leave the Internet for a few days. Perhaps weeks. Get a life, get some interest.

None at All- What it sounds like. Nothing wrong with going from nothing to something as long as you know how to do it.

Step 6: Lingo

It is quite important to know the terminology of a game you're playing, to gain an advantage over lesser players that will struggle to communicate quickly and discreetly, and also to spy into the signals of expert players that underestimate your ability.

Gambling 203

Here are some common terms used in the chat, and some more advanced ones.

roll - to use the .roll command
bet - to announce your amount of Fails bet
fails - same as Fails
money - same as fails
SLURP - (almost) same as money
po - ???
plsgo - means to respond back in a similarly abrasive and boring way
rekt - what to say to people who didn't read this guide
#rekt - same as rekt, but you did the exact opposite of what was said too
44444444444 - a number
ogden - > plsgo
yes - > ogden

Advanced Gambling-Speak:

pls - go
go - pls
ok - okay
lol - u suk
gamble - to lose
winrar - i suk
profit - opposite of gamble
gimme - give you
irc - IRC
- bimps on a good day
- bimps today
win - same as profit but better
lose - opposite as win opposite of gamble
- me on saturdays
- me on other days

Step 7: Adversity

It strikes at times, especially for people such as you with the rank of "yes" about to begin the expert lessons, and do not see it coming. No matter how skilled you are, everyone's a sucker to some degree. This course is for when Protection was too late.

Gambling 301

When dealing with the times you have few (2000 or less) to no (less than 1 but more than -1) fails, you can call it an adverse situation. It is also an adverse situation when you have a losing streak of at least 3, or someone has had a winning streak of 2 at least twice in a session. In both of these cases, you would need to try at least some Protection again, or Failwhore through posting in every subforum, similarly to advertising about gambling, but the topics should be unrelated to gambling in each topic, so as to not show that you are trying to get fails easily for gambling. You may repeat this on a second thread in each subforum every 5 minutes, but may reply immediately if someone else posts in a topic, or double post every 30 minutes if there are no responses. More complex adverse situations require delicate matters to be taken delicately and promptly.

Nastier Difficulties:

Unpaid Loans- Make at least 3 topics about it, at least 2 of which must be in srs business. Until an admin responds to the matter, make more topics until they notice. If this does not work, and your loan is not paid back still, refuse to loan to them AND the admins ever again.

Unpaid Wins- Keep pestering them to pay you until they do or leave the forums forever. If they leave, ask for their password to pay yourself manually.

Rigged Dice- Ask for the source code to update and put into FailBot so roll messages are only shown in forum PMs, for minimal suspense and upsets in the IRC. These rolls have nothing to do whatsoever with the gambling as there is only one message in IRC that says who the winner of the round is, for even less shock to gamblers that "clearly deserved the win".

Step 8: Yourself

Make yourself better. Making yourself better makes yourself better at everything, including gambling.

Gambling 302

Find some virtues: honesty, patience, care, and chastity are all pretty good for Yourself which indirectly improves your gambling skills. You also need some general tips: wash your hands, cut your nails, sleep often and a lot, and take showers at least weekly. All these things will not only improve Yourself, but will impress your gambling buddies too.

Extra Flashiness:

The distracting tips told in Transition, along with pretending to be the modern stereotype of insane, as well as sensory overload- blind them colored text, ping them to deafness, make them taste their salty tears, feel their broken keyboards, and be completely futile olfactory-wise, smelling nothing through their snotty noses.

Step 9: Intermission

Learn to take a break after all these lessons. You'll need it before what's next...

Gambling 303

Take breaks after long gambling sessions, especially if you aren't winning. 5 seconds to 5 years is enough time- it depends how long the scars take to heal. An easy way to waste time is to check up on your ~50 alt accounts you should have by now, and post on them to make sure they aren't deleted.

Time Wasters:
There are other ways to make sure you aren't bored while your mind (and body) adjusts back from the horrors it went through in #failgambling. These are games, regular posting, yelling at inanimate objects, yelling at animate objects and having them yell at you, crying, hiding, running into walls, and disappearing forever.

Step 10: Test

Show off what you have learned to all of us.

The Final Exam

Go on the frogbox.es server by some way and join the #failgambling channel. Ping someone or more, and follow the steps here to beat them so badly that they're sent back to the womb. Refer them to this guide after you're done with the holy butt-whooping.

Remember:

Decision
Operation
Negotiation
Transition
Protection
Lingo
Adversity
Yourself
Intermission
Test

This has been The Guide.

Last edited by Fradeshan (2014-08-10 02:41:02)

Bimps1002 · 2014-08-10 00:25:41

finally people wont question how to gamble in the irc and can just look at this topic

Fradeshan · 2014-08-10 02:41:43

done at last
2:30 well spent

skullz17 · 2014-08-10 08:07:23

Amazing

Different55 · 2014-08-10 09:53:10

10/10 would read again

Coolio · 2014-08-10 12:40:54

I think my go-to gamblingspeak is "daaaaaaaaaaang"

I should note, admins can manually change fail counts without needing to post, so the threat of not loaning to us ever again is pointless.

Fradeshan · 2014-08-10 12:41:41

That was the joke
Also you're all rich already

Coolio · 2014-08-10 12:43:10

I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not rich at all! I've even got 0 fails.

>_>

pay no attention to my bank

colon · 2014-09-10 16:07:10

+10000 fails

-Coolio - 3 months ago

Fradeshan · 2014-09-10 16:34:25

rip gambling

colon · 2014-09-10 16:38:37

ikr

Coolio · 2014-09-10 18:34:38

cri

N1KF · 2014-09-10 19:35:26

I wish gambling existed

Fradeshan · 2014-09-10 19:42:49

make it

Starvr344 · 2014-09-28 16:29:01

This is now useless.
Unless...

Fradeshan · 2014-09-28 16:55:20

!

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The Complete Guide to IRC Gambling in 10 Easy Steps and Classes

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