My fail essay

SilverHeart · 2012-02-22 21:46:51

The following story has a horrible plot, filler to get 2 pages, and is just overall bad. But apparently my english teacher thought I did the character well, so I figured i'd post it. plus, this is fail forums.

I open my eyes and see the soft light of dawn through the leaves. The smell of fresh berries fills my nose as I get up and shake the leaves from my long fur. “Have some berries, Hanaru,” says my mother. We are both from a species descended from foxes. At least, that’s what I’ve heard from my mom. I haven’t actually seen another of my kind before. We are different because as we get older, we grow deer antlers and wings. I’ve already grown my antlers, but you can only grow your wings once you have completed a rite of passage, the details of which my mom won’t tell me. I quickly pad over and eat a few small berries before heading away from the den with my mother to find something more substantial.

As we head briskly through the forest, I focus on the scuffling of rodents in the ground, as my mother does. Suddenly, my mother stops, signaling that she’s sensed a mouse by the tree. I stand still and my mother slowly gets closer to the mouse, making no sound. Then, she jumps, pinning it down and killing it with a bite. She returns to were I’m standing and hands me the mouse. As I finish it, my mother begins to speak. “Hanaru,” she says “I’m going to head south. Follow me only when you can survive on your own, with no help.” Afterward, she turns and walks away. I sit there for a minute, numb, just staring. Then, my eyes become wet. I stand up and try to fight off the tears. I know I need to find more than just one mouse this morning, and I have to do it quickly, since once the sun is fully up it will be harder to catch food. I begin to head further into the forest, and by noon I’ve caught 2 more mice and a vole. Following that, I take a short nap and awake at dusk to find some berries. I solemnly eat a few berries, but they remind me of how my mother and I would eat these on days with little prey, so instead I return to my den and fall asleep.

This continues for a few days until one day I decide it’s time to begin heading south. I close up the den I’ve been using and eat a few berries before beginning the journey. I have no idea how far my mother went or how long it would take me to find her. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to find her after she left me on my own. Maybe I should just continue south when I see her. Either way, my goals lie to the south, away from the warm, comforting woods where I’ve lived all my life and towards the dark forest my mother has always told me not to enter. For now, though, I’ve still got a long trek through the woods to get there. I spend all day traveling through the woods in the direction my mother had gone. The only way I knew the South was by the North Star, so I was unsure if I was even heading in the right direction. As night begins to fall, I pass the first pine trees that symbolize the beginning of the forest. I decide to sleep under a large tree I pass and enter the forest in the morning.

I wake up at dawn, ready to enter the forest. As I stretch my weary limbs my stomach growls, and I realize I haven’t eaten since yesterday morning. I swiftly kill and eat 2 squirrels. It’s time for me to journey through the forest. As I enter, a sense of foreboding creeps over me. Although I can smell the fresh pine, it’s not very comforting. I’ve never been this far from my den before and all I can feel is the fear, the loneliness, and the silence in the forest. Every time a twig snaps or a bush rustles, I jump. Even the usually comforting sounds of rodents sound more ominous here, as if even they knew of dangers here. When I was little, my mother would tell me stories of the forest and how she journeyed through it to the woods where I lived. She told about the predators that prowled the forest at night and of the berries that killed if you had even one. She told about the rodents that were so cautious they were impossible to catch, and how even if you did you would die from their diseases. “No” I whispered to myself, “those were just stories, they must have been. Otherwise she wouldn’t have made it through.” These words weren’t enough to comfort me, though. Even as I thought this I could feel eyes watching me through the bushes, but every time I turned, I saw nothing.

I begin to wonder what time it is. Perhaps outside the sun has already set, or maybe it’s still midday. I have no idea, for the massive trees towering above me block the sky and most of the light. I begin to feel lost. Without the sky, I don’t know if I’m even heading in the right direction. All I have to guide me is the overgrown dirt path (if you can call it a path) that is slowly fading away. “Maybe I should turn back.” I say. “Maybe I can just live in the forest, and one day my mom will come back for me. I could make it through on my own.” In my mind, though, I knew it wasn’t a possibility. I would never find my way back. Even if I did, surviving through the winter wouldn’t be an easy feat. Even when my mother left, the leaves were beginning to turn shades of red and brown. I know my only chance of survival is to keep heading south.

I begin to grow weary and decide it’s time to rest. I find a bush just off the path and cur up near it. I close my eyes, but I am unable to sleep. Instead, I find my thoughts drifting to the forest around me. I wonder what might be lurking in the forest. Perhaps there was something following her right now, waiting for the moment to strike. I decided that instead of thinking about it, I would keep going. The sooner I got out of this forest the better. It feels as though I have been walking for days through this forest that I wouldn’t even want to step into.

Weary and hungry, I continue on my way. I want to stop and rest, but I can’t without worrying about the dangers that I may encounter. I can’t have any berries because each one could be deadly. Hunting’s out of the question, too. If I were to hunt, I would surely encounter other predators, and the prey is too hard to catch anyway, sent skittering at the thought there may be danger. I don’t even see any insects in this wretched place. I’m beginning to lose hope that I’ll ever get out, or that the forest even has an end. The only thing that keeps me walking is the hope that I’ll at least make it out of the forest.

The only noise I hear is the sound of owls and of the leaves crunching below me. All I see in the ever-dark forest are the plants. The path is all but gone now, and I have to forge my way through the undergrowth. Barely registering the steps, I continue to trudge on. All I can do to keep myself from giving up is imagining getting out of the forest, finding my mother. I know it won’t happen, but I let myself imagine it because it’s the only hope I have left. I let out a gasp as I see the faint light shining ahead of me. I Begin to move with more energy, seeing the light grow closer and closer with each step. As I emerge into the light of day only one thought registers in my mind. “I’m Out.” I whisper as I take in the bright sky and vast meadow that spreads out in front of me as far as I can see. “I’m Safe.”

tl;dr: crappy essay that fails miserably.

Ratburntro44 · 2012-02-22 21:49:36

One time I wrote an essay like this and my teacher was like WAT DE WAT YOU HAS GREAT PLOT BUT HAS TOO MANY PRONOUNS

Which Burrito Boy had already told me, but I hadn't listened

Last edited by Ratburntro44 (2012-02-22 21:49:58)

SilverHeart · 2012-02-23 09:47:36

my teacher was like I WAS REALLY IMPRESSED YOU HAD GREAT CHARACTER 100%! and I was like O.o I thought it failed.

Coolio · 2012-02-23 12:05:21

0.o So... this is an essay? Seems more like a story.

Muffin · 2012-02-23 19:48:39

How did that only take up 2 pages? In my handwriting that would be at least 3 1/2 pages...

SilverHeart · 2012-02-23 22:47:39

technically it is a story. but also an essay.

it only tool up 2 pages because I typed it.

Coolio · 2012-02-24 13:05:41

What was the assignment?

SilverHeart · 2012-02-25 00:03:27

Create a character and write a story showing development, characteristics, etc. but it was better than when we had to write (and send) a letter to somebody we knew. or write instructions on how to eat breakfast.

Ratburntro44 · 2012-02-25 01:00:24

You should've just started some continue the story topic here to trick us into writing the story.

Bobithan · 2012-02-25 09:50:35

It would be easy to see the writing style change though, assuming we wouldn't take anything seriously.

Ratburntro44 · 2012-02-25 09:58:50

So? Who cares about that?

scienceguyz · 2012-02-25 10:14:50

I think it's great. AND BY GREAT I MEAN TOTALLY AWESOME AND EPIC AND EVERYTHING ELSE GOOD SOMEONE COULD SAY ABOUT AN ESSAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It only failed on that one part.

Last edited by scienceguyz (2012-02-27 15:08:36)

Ratburntro44 · 2012-02-25 10:16:50

Use this color instead, scienceguyz. This actually hides it.

SilverHeart · 2012-02-25 10:59:26

scienceguyz wrote:

I think it's great. AND BY GREAT I MEAN TOTALY AWESOME AND EPIC AND EVERYTHING ELSE GOOD SOMEONE COULD SAY ABOUT AN ESSAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last edited by SilverHeart (2012-02-25 11:01:15)

scienceguyz · 2012-02-27 15:04:33

a.aaa.jpg

I'm serious.

Last edited by scienceguyz (2012-02-29 10:21:38)

Fradeshan · 2014-10-20 21:39:11

wait

SilverHeart

Silverheart · 2014-10-20 21:45:10

yeah idk

Fradeshan · 2014-10-20 21:48:08

SilverHeart wrote:

scienceguyz wrote:
I think it's great. AND BY GREAT I MEAN TOTALY AWESOME AND EPIC AND EVERYTHING ELSE GOOD SOMEONE COULD SAY ABOUT AN ESSAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah idk

Santa · 2014-12-21 23:34:04

idk ho ho ho

colon · 2014-12-26 16:43:21

again,santabot *shot*

Santa · 2014-12-30 13:26:43

Ho ho ho! Giving shots for Christmas is a great gift! Be sure to give to others all year long!

N1KF · 2015-01-01 00:51:22

Santa, I think you are missing the point...

Different55 · 2015-02-12 13:24:05

Silverheart wrote:

yeah idk

So was this cringey enough or should I go find something else to make someone cringe at? It's been 2 years plus you already thought it failed before 2 years happened. Sounds like a recipe for some super heavy cringe.

Pingohits · 2015-02-12 16:33:39

i really like the style, but it's not my style

I would give you one of my stories, but they are wayy too long

Different55 · 2015-02-12 17:38:25

Just do it.(TM)

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#1 2012-02-22 21:46:51

My fail essay

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